Our minds are very different

8.31am. I was a little late for work. Clock in, computer on, coffee made.
Sitting at my desk, I turn to break the morning's silence.
"How do I get blood out of carpet?" I asked.
Everyone looked up at the same time as their Monday mornings took an abrupt detour.
"I cut my foot trying to use my new foot razor. Great for getting rid of dry skin - and all skin, in fact."
Various answers came back.
I'd already tried carpet stain remover. One bottle, then another which had a little brush at the top. I can still see the splatters from when I tried to hop over rather unconvincingly to my first aid kit.
FYI I keep my first aid kit in a washbag that's underneath my bed. I should really move it, this is probably one of the worst places to keep it.
This whole scenario began when I decided to embark upon an evening of pampering. Yes I thought, this will be relaxing. I'll take care of myself, do a face mask, paint my nails, maybe do my pores.
The reality of it was quite different.
Me in my dressing gown and I'm all bright lights and carpet cleaner while I watch my alarm clock tick past midnight and the blotches of blood are still there, soaking deeper into the fibers.
I eventually make it to bed after having to wash out my over-sized juice bottle several times in fear of poisoning myself with carpet cleaner foam by accident.
My foot's bandaged, the carpet's wet and I don't feel pampered or relaxed.
2am, the washing machine starts beeping to tell me it's managed to get the blood out of my towels.
The morning arrives. Tired and slightly dehydrated, I make it into work with my foot clumsily bandaged up in all the wrong sized plasters and some medical tape for good measure.
"Spit on it," says one person.
I looked up.
"It's something to do with the enzymes. Just try it. If you spit on the stain then blot it, you can get it out."
Unconvinced, the stain is still there and I still use my foot razor. But I have learnt one thing from this experience - I need more rugs.